At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
