i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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