thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
