quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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