That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize