were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
