I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
