Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
