so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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