My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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