then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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