I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were trust falling into bushes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
