Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
