hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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