either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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