So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
