if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
