Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's paper in my vomit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
