Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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