I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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