Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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