I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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