Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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