Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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