I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize