my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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