He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How external is "for external use only"?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
