I want to make a zoo with you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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