Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
