Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You left your phone here
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