and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
