Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize