Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
