I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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