can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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