I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
