I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
