Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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