you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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