Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
