i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize