Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
