Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
