can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
