just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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