i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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