all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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