I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
