I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
