If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
