worst night to have a conscience
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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