We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
