I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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