why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
