He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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