pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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