so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
