He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize