I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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