i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
