I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
