oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
