Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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